I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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