Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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