Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
