Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is my gift to your gina
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
