Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
