ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
