Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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