With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
