DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
