i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
