just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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