apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
