12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
