He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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