So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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