you guys were way drunker than both of me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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