i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
