There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
