2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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