the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
