She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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