Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
