matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
