When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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