I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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