just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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