You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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