at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
