At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
vagina is talking i cant
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
