He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
