i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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