Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
