Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
