You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
