capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
