i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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