im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
