your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
