I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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