my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
