it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
