An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
