Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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