Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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