I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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