I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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