just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
