I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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