BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize