is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
