i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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