Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
