just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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