I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
