you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
