well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
