You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
BRING THE BAGELS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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