we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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