Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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