Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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