I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
