dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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