ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
