forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
