this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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