Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
