I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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