By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
