Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
