my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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