In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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